When I was young, I attended Sunday School. I’ve alway s believed that God existed, whetherI liked it or not. To be honest, it never interested me much beyond wanting to have it easy and go to heaven. In the back of my mind, I always knew it had to be true.

Fast forward a few years, and I had been going through the motions of attending church services. I learned how others expected me to act, but I grew more and more distant from the idea of salvation. It began driving a wedge between me and the Lord. I now believe this desire to run the other way was prompted by the Lord impressing on my heart my need for salvation. Instead of going to God, I ran the other way.

I remember the thought of church and having to sit through the services being so dreadful I sincerely hoped my family couldn’t make it, and when they didn’t, I rejoiced at the fact. The love for the world’s entertainment and pleasures had begun growing in my heart and my desire for salvation began to dwindle. I started to not care about anything beyond what was in front of my face and my entertainment. At the time, I thought this made life so much easier and I was better off this way. I didn’t see the hole that began to open in my heart. This hole would only continue to grow…

At around the age of twelve, my family decided that dragging me to church was doing no good and I now had the choice of whether or not to go. To my recollection, I don’t believe I came without ulterior motives to even one service apart from the yearly Christmas concert the church put on. It was around this time that whenever someone would mention God, salvation, or even church I would sink myself deeper into the world’s entertainment. Mostly because it was enjoyable, but also because I couldn’t stand thinking about how I was a sinner bound for Hell. It had gotten so bad, that whenever I was able, I would hide behind a screen and music to keep myself from thinking about reality. I would later find out that entertainment couldn’t satisfy the hunger for something more within my soul.

After two to three years of doing nothing except fulfilling my fleshly desires as much as possible, I began to connect the dots of how pointless it all was. I saw all the dots of this world connecting to one of two focal points: Christ, or the Devil. There was no way around it. Politics, hobbies, pleasures, entertainment, conflicts, human nature, it was all intertwined into something much bigger than I truly thought before. Seeing this and knowing I’m still without Christ, I began to hate and find the negative in everything. I became a nitpicker, or pessimist if you prefer.

Looking back, I think I was truly what they call depressed. I always laughed at the thought of it and thought myself better than that, but I wasn’t. I was utterly discontented with the world. That is until my Junior year started. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. After seeing the disgusting sin all around me and knowing I’m where I belong, I truly let the Lord impress the need for salvation in my heart (John 8:24 – “I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I [Christ] am He, ye shall die in your sins.”). I just had to give up my way! After all… all I had accomplished was making a mess of things and failing over and over again. With this new conviction, I made a point to be there at church. A few days later, after listening to a song about how Christ washes all our sins away with his blood, and if we go to Him with faith and repentance he’ll forgive us and give us true contentment in Him, I surrendered my life and my thinking to Him, and just said, “I’m done. What do you want of me?” The contentment He gives is truly not of this world (John 15:11 – “These things have I [Christ] spoken unto you… that your joy might be full.”). By His grace and long-suffering, I’m beginning to see the beauty in this world.

I strongly urge whoever is reading this to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior. We’re all in need of Christ as stated in Romans 3:23; “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” and Romans 5:8, which says, “… God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” God loves us, even though our rebellious nature is what put Him on the cross. Do you know Him as YOUR personal Savior? Well, you can. Praise Him for His great love that’ll save even a wretch like me!