When I was a boy I attended a Baptist church. In 1985 I came forward during an “altar call” or “invitational” and was baptized. After we moved several times, I had trouble finding a new church to attend and eventually stopped trying. I moved onto  more worldly pursuits including fantasy worlds that I found in books, games and movies. I was like the people described in Luke 8:13: “…which for a while believe, and in time of temptation fall away.” (See also 1 John 2:15-17) My life would swing  between cycles of rebellious worldly living and trying to live right.  But, I never fully felt at peace.

More than 25 years later, I started visiting Bible Baptist Church. I talked to the pastor about these cycles. I clung to my childhood “faith professions,”  but was concerned that I was a “backslidden” Christian, as my life did not reflect faithful living. Galatians 6:3 says, “For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.” James 1:26 says, “If any man among you  seem to be religious…but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.” (See also Jeremiah 17:9, 1 John 1:6, 2:4)

The pastor often encouraged me to seek the Lord for the truth as to whether I was “back slidden” or still lost in my sins. I would  do this for a little while, but worldly pursuits would distract me again. I liken it to standing at the edge of a cliff. Before taking that final leap of faith and counting on the Lord to catch me, the world would pull me back from the edge. (Mark 4:18-19)

Shortly after losing my father-in-law on June 26, 2024, I reflected on my life and was not at peace. I began a ‘seeking’ cycle and was completely immersed in reading and listening to God’s Word. I often prayed for the Lord to reveal the truth to me  and to restore the faith I had as a child. 1 John 3:20 says, “For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart…”

After a few weeks, on August 8, 2024, I became impatient and stopped seeking. But praise the Lord for His faithfulness and  longsuffering. 2 Peter 3:9 says, “The Lord is…longsuffering… not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” (See Lamentations 3:22-26)

That same night, after driving all day, I planned on playing a video game, which I had not done in weeks. But, then I had this strong feeling of conviction. Years of past sins came flooding into my mind. I felt horrible and cried out to the Lord that I hated my life and had made a mess of it. I did not want to see another sunrise. This conviction lasted a few hours. After midnight I finally repented and let go of everything that held me back from fully committing to Him. Romans 10:9- 10 says, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine  heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart  man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

In the morning I asked the Lord what he would have me do, since he  allowed me to see another sunrise after all. I did not expect an actual answer, but I “heard” a reply in my mind to “remove the distractions.” I began removing distractions such as games, videos, apps, and music from my phone and laptop. The more I deleted, the lighter I felt. I thought maybe I was truly saved this time, but was cautious about being too optimistic. I did not tell anyone for a couple of weeks, but this time my desires, thoughts and attitudes seemed different, including a hunger for His Word, like I had not had for years. I continued praying because of lingering doubts due to previous “false professions.” I talked to someone in church about their false profession of faith before finding true salvation later in life. They gave me a devotional book and encouraged me to seek the Lord for the truth.

A couple of weeks later, while preparing for my daily devotions, I felt compelled to pray for the Lord to reveal if I truly had salvation, and if so, to completely remove this nagging  doubt once and for all. In my prayer I referenced 1 John 5:14-15, which says, “…if we ask any thing according to his will…whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.” I started reading and the devotional page directly addressed doubt and even quoted the same verses I referenced a few minutes earlier. Suddenly the doubt dissipated. I finally felt at peace. Romans 15:3 says, “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may  abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

I excitedly called everyone I could think of to tell them what the good Lord has done for me.